Exclusive: 12-metre “traffic-calming” steel totem to be installed in Timperley village

By Charles Court at

We can today reveal plans by local council bosses to install a 12-metre steel totem in the centre of Timperley village.

Our leaked computer-generated image shows how the major new landmark – already nicknamed The Timperley Totem – will sit squarely in the middle of the Park Road/Stockport Road junction.

Costing £108,000, the towering plinth follows the success of the Altrincham Totem on Stamford New Road, whose installation last June was given a rapturous welcome by local motorists.

Like that monument, the Timperley Totem features lacquered steel lettering that has been localised to the immediate vicinity.

The leaked CGI showing how the ‘Timperley Totem’ will look

While the Altrincham version contains the words ‘Altrincham market town’ and the year of its establishment, 1290, the Timperley Totem carries the year ‘1211’ – the date of the first documented mention of the township of Timperley – and the names of the village’s two favourite sons: Frank Sidebottom and Ian Brown.

And after the furore caused by the accidental addition of an extra ‘M’ on the Altrincham Totem, local spelling consultants Timperly Letters Ltd have been drafted in on a daily rate of £800 to ensure no similar errors were made on the new structure.

The totem is also designed to act as a traffic calming measure, effectively turning the junction into a roundabout with the current traffic lights phased out by the late summer.

The Altrincham Totem was installed to great acclaim last June

It’s hoped that the new road layout will create such chaos that Park Road – unaffectionately labelled ‘Car Park Road’ by locals – will become a no-go zone for drivers, thereby easing congestion in the area.

Paul House, a spokesman for Trafford Transport Authority, said: “We’re confident that the Timperley Totem will prove a popular new attraction for locals and tourists alike, while at the same time providing an instant solution to the problem of sitting for all eternity in a Park Road traffic jam.

“Initial focus group feedback has been largely positive and we have plans in place to roll out the ‘Totem’ traffic-calming solution to Hale and Broadheath within weeks.”

The Timperley Totem is expected to be erected over the Easter Bank Holiday weekend.

CGI image: Glued Films